The Five Stages of Grief: Denial+ANGER

1.29.09
It’s so weird being back in a place that is so familiar to you after time has elapsed--- on one hand you feel as though nothing has changed, that the same people are there, doing the same things, going the same places, finding happiness in the same things, finding anxiety, anger, unhappiness from the same sources…. And on the other hand you feel betrayed and distraught that your “old world” has continued on without you. HOW COULD THAT BE? How could the universe possibly function without you in it?! HA. How ridiculous.

But that’s just it though, that was your I mean, my old world. I have a new one now, and I need to accept and embrace that—and be excited about it!!
Because my world now encompasses the familiar cobblestones of the charles bridge, the sorrow of the Czech people, the breathtaking sight of “The Birth of Venus,” the ‘traditional’ Italian pizza in Florence tasting worse than pizza hut, the infinite feeling of sitting on top of Mars hill looking over the acropolis, the frustration of becoming an orphan in Athens, and the wonderful taste of a cold Berliner kindl after exploring a fascinating city, and no matter what happens to me in my future—in the next 5 seconds, 5 minutes, 5 years I’m going to carry all of that with me. In addition to feeling displaced here and disconnected to so many people, I carry those sights, those cities and those experiences with me that I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world.
I can’t drop all of those moments, just as all of you are unable to shed all of the events and all of the time that has passed, and who would want to do that anyway?



It’s amazing how much 4 months can change a person.
And I only hope that in these next 4 months until graduation I can continue to process, and embrace all that I have learned and all that you have to teach me.




2.08.09
Elizabeth Kubler Ross has been playing a much larger role in my life than I would like. Those of you who are atlest someone aware of what's going on with me, you will understand that... but considering that that number seems to be deminishing by the second, you will most likely be quite puzzled by these words.
For now, i think i'll be stuck with anger for awhile... i'm projecting atleast 4 months, until i escape this god awful town full of sad strangers.